I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
