my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
