Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
