Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
