Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
