My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not a walk of shame if you run
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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