You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
