Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
