Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
