some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
