So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
