you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize