apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
