one might say we're banned from that church
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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