She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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