You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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