I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
