i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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