so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
