Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Please don't give away my fajitas
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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