whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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