you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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