Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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