im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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