dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
