At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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