im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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