please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
