I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we're making bets on your personal life
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
