Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
