Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
