Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I didn't notice because vodka
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
