you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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