hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
