when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
