Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
