so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
