Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
