I want to have your abortion
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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