I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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