Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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