i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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