woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i now understand why vodka
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
