I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
