South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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