Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
