I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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