I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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