I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
