Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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