Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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