If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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