hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
