Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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