He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
