he told me I talked like a deaf person
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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