Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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