Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
