Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
