Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
