bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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