Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
