Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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