your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
