How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize