then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
