Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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