i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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