I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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