That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
