dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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