i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
