Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
